As mentioned before the past 7 weeks were filled with emotions that were numbed by escape into excess on my part. Little to no exercise coupled with too much food and drink brought me back to a point of self loathing I hate to go to, but sometimes it cleans me out, then I can go on. I get to a point where I am completely fed up with my self. I groan every time I catch a glimpse of myself as I walk past a shop window or notice how the pants I’m putting on get a little tighter after they have been washed. However I always seem to have a breaking point when I say, NO MORE! GET IT TOGETHER JASON!
I find it strange how some people resist that change or challenge. I crave the challenging environment when my faults or mistakes are exposed and I am forced either to acknowledge them or hide in the comfort of denial. F$#%! denial! If I have behaved wrongly or overindulged let me know it, if I haven’t been made aware of it. Yes this hurts in a lot of different ways, but it only makes life better in the long run.
As I get my ass back on the bike, in the pool and out on the road I am reminded of those moments of truth, when you can stay and fight or run and hide (sometimes in a bottle). It’s hard to get out of bed in the morning to squeeze a workout in. It’s hard to say no when everyone is out at happy hour but you have a long ride the next morning or just trying to shed a few extra pounds. It’s hard to not take a bite of cake when someone puts in front you. Life is hard, but worth every second if we learn from those moments of truth and raise up to the challenge to be a better me/ you!
These moments have come around more often for me lately. I think that is why I’ve been more aware of it. I’ve been told that I just need to “Get Over IT!” concerning all my gripes about my current living situation and concentrate on the good things the move has bought to my life.
So as I prepare for my season as a swim coach and continue to get settled here down south I am committed to trying to, “get over it” and see my life as a new beginning and embrace the difficult decisions I will face in the coming months and years.
For example, I have been struggling with continuing to make art here although the community and scene is a lot different. While at the same time trying to decide if I should commit to taking some time off to get my body and life in the kind of shape that will make it easier and more to make art again. Is this a moment of truth or a gut check t see if I am willing to do what is necessary to make my life better and myself? Not sure yet but we’ll see.
Posts
Unscared of Hills
12 years ago
1 comment:
It is interesting that you posted this today... especially the part about getting your ass back on the bike, in the pool, etc... your words not mine... after a two week break from working out for me... I got back in the pool today after actually a month and I had a goal in mind and almost gave into not completing it, but that little voice in the back of my head said do it. I needed to get back on track, it is so easy to get side tracked by things. It is true that we sometimes need to raise to the challenge even if it is the ones that we set for ourselves.
It is so true that sometimes it is hard to say no to the things around us that will side track where we what to go and end up... but I know when I personally don't give in to things like that it makes me feel good about myself.
Change is something that will take time to "get over it"... but I think we as people eventually get over it and embrace it and use the new situation and surroundings to our advantage.
Good Luck with the new coaching job... let us all know how it is going for you. Hope the family is doing well.
Post a Comment