Those Moments of Truth Give Me a Much Needed Gut Check

As mentioned before the past 7 weeks were filled with emotions that were numbed by escape into excess on my part. Little to no exercise coupled with too much food and drink brought me back to a point of self loathing I hate to go to, but sometimes it cleans me out, then I can go on. I get to a point where I am completely fed up with my self. I groan every time I catch a glimpse of myself as I walk past a shop window or notice how the pants I’m putting on get a little tighter after they have been washed. However I always seem to have a breaking point when I say, NO MORE! GET IT TOGETHER JASON!

I find it strange how some people resist that change or challenge. I crave the challenging environment when my faults or mistakes are exposed and I am forced either to acknowledge them or hide in the comfort of denial. F$#%! denial! If I have behaved wrongly or overindulged let me know it, if I haven’t been made aware of it. Yes this hurts in a lot of different ways, but it only makes life better in the long run.
As I get my ass back on the bike, in the pool and out on the road I am reminded of those moments of truth, when you can stay and fight or run and hide (sometimes in a bottle). It’s hard to get out of bed in the morning to squeeze a workout in. It’s hard to say no when everyone is out at happy hour but you have a long ride the next morning or just trying to shed a few extra pounds. It’s hard to not take a bite of cake when someone puts in front you. Life is hard, but worth every second if we learn from those moments of truth and raise up to the challenge to be a better me/ you!

These moments have come around more often for me lately. I think that is why I’ve been more aware of it. I’ve been told that I just need to “Get Over IT!” concerning all my gripes about my current living situation and concentrate on the good things the move has bought to my life.

So as I prepare for my season as a swim coach and continue to get settled here down south I am committed to trying to, “get over it” and see my life as a new beginning and embrace the difficult decisions I will face in the coming months and years.

For example, I have been struggling with continuing to make art here although the community and scene is a lot different. While at the same time trying to decide if I should commit to taking some time off to get my body and life in the kind of shape that will make it easier and more to make art again. Is this a moment of truth or a gut check t see if I am willing to do what is necessary to make my life better and myself? Not sure yet but we’ll see.

Moving up and moving on!

Back on track, with a new attitude and a set of new challenges in my life that have left me bewildered and a bit melancholy, but I’m still excited about what the future will bring. The last 7 weeks have allowed me to indulge, grieve, escape, hide and fall apart all at the same time. Moving out of New York was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and now it’s over, I’m here in South Carolina. No more feeling sorry for myself, wallowing in self-pity and playing the victim. I will pick myself up off the floor, put on my new face and get back in the race.
It may take some getting used to the fact that I have a clean slate here that I can build or become anything I want to and it can be an intimidating and daunting task I’m up for the challenge. I have to be, for my family and me.
In the coming weeks I will be back to my normal blog writing, to update you all on what has been going on with me and the stuff I do.
I’m struggling with what it will mean to be an artist here now that I’m no longer in NY, but I will figure it out soon enough. Patience and time is something I seem to be able to afford these days and they seem to be easier to come by as well. It will help me manage my demons that have only gotten closer since moving south.
Stay Tuned Folks it’s only going to get better fro now on!