This morning on the way to the pool, I pondered the comments on my last entry. Until last weekend when my wife mentioned her name, I hadn’t ever thought about writing about her here. I think of her often and when the girls were born, she was the first person I wished I could have called. She would have loved them!
Roxy…
She was the most influential mentor I had ever had before going to graduate school. Roxy Thomas was one of my undergraduate sculpture instructors who gave selflessly her advice, love, generosity, criticism, and patience to me up until she passed away from ovarian cancer in early 2007. (Wow, has it been that long!?!) She was a mother, artist, printmaker, teacher in art, yoga and life.
She was the single person who encouraged me to follow my dreams, move to New York, and do what so many young artist dream of doing. She is the reason I sew. Yes Mom and Granny but she was the one who told me to go the store buy a pattern and fabric and “make something good, damn it!” She encouraged the tender caring side of my identity to come out in my work and ideas. She taught me not to worry about what would happen to a piece of work after it was completed, “just kick ass and make it!” When I’m in the studio I often think about the look she used to give me when looking at an unfinished process and smile to myself.Tthat look used to piss me off so bad, because it would only make me think harder about what I was trying to say with the work. Through her I understand that making art is a life long journey that never ends even after you’re not around.
To say I miss her is an understatement. A part of myself is no longer here feels more right.
I miss you Roxy,
and I know you’re around me somewhere.
Thinking about Roxy got me asking myself a question that seems to hanging around me till I answer it, honestly.
Why Do I Triathlon?
From an art world perspective I feel like it is viewed as a bit extreme, crazy and maybe doesn’t fit into what an artist does, but I don’t feel that way.
While in graduate school, I had the opportunity concentrate on only making art, completely indulging in my creative process. Now that I am a full year past graduate school I can say that doing that nearly killed me, physically and emotionally. Before grad school I was in the best shape of my life and in the best head space of my life, after I was in the worst shape and in the worst place.
Yes, Roxy’s passing played a part in my slide into despair but it wasn’t to blame. What caused it was a lack of sleep, late nights, parties, partying, drinking, fast food and generally no exercise. By the end my body was depleted of all the natural chemicals that made one a happy person. So, I turned back to training for a triathlon to see if could get me back to that place and it has!
Triathlon is, in a sense a savior for me. It lets me know exactly where I stand with my self. Yes I love the way my body looks when I’m in shape and my confidence level is where it should be when I’m in that kind of shape, but it gives ME purpose!
And now, I’m in a place that I am trying to combine my purpose as an artist and my purpose as an athlete into a balanced expression of both. It will be a life long journey, I know, but I feel more than ever it will be well worth the effort no matter where I live.
I also want to say a sincere Thank You to my Wife, Faith for taking the majority of the shifts last night so I could get up this morning and swim before work. I hope that I can help you find time for yourself in the mist of the storm we’re going through.
“-You can lead a horse to water, but “Faith” is another matter, but don’t you surrender because sometimes salvation is in the eye of the storm.”
-Sometimes Salvation (The Black Crowes)
Being that I believe Ol’ Warren Haynes is somehow my derivative alter ego here is a version from the Mule with the boys from the Crowes.
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Unscared of Hills
12 years ago
3 comments:
You are very welcome, babe. That is what a spouse and a help mate is. You are my rock.
Well, I believe everything happens for a reason, first of all and my finding her picture wasn't just a coincidence. Maybe it was her trying to talk to you from above. Being a teacher is one of the most rewarding jobs there is. People say it is a thankless job but that isn't true. I think those are the people who look at it as a job and not a career. I have had so many students in the 11 years I have been teaching (yes it has been that long) and I never know who truly hears what I try to teach them but educationally as well as socially. I recall a young boy named Tyler who was in my class about 5 years ago. He was a good student, one who had been held over the previous year. He also had brain surgery as a baby so he was delayed a bit but bigger than the other students because he was older. He left my 1st grade class and I never saw him again because his family moved to California. last year, I received an email from his mother saying he was graduating from Elementary School and that I was his favorite teacher. I gave him the confidence to succeed and work hard.
My point is, I believe success lies in the hands of the people around you and how they look at you, not in how you see yourself. Roxy was successful because she passed on her knowledge as a teacher and a mother. You, my love, are successful in so many ways. When we do move back, you are going to be and already are successful because you moved away to live your dream, something that most people don't have the guts to even make that first step. Your girls will never look at you and say, "Thanks Dad, for staying in New York to continue your art career" but Thanks Dad for loving me enough to always put me first whatevever that means. Isn't that what our parents did and still do today?
WOW this entry was rather touching especially you sharing how special Roxy was to you. It made me think of the mentors that shaped my life... My 8th grade Science teacher who I still keep in touch with and flourished my love of science... and the one person who said to me one day after taking her class "you would make a great instructor"!
What's that saying do what you love, love what you do...
jason, what a nice post about roxy. i remember well that terrifying stare she'd give...and her frustratingly non-directive directives: "this idea is good, but you really need to PUSH IT further." all those hours spent trying to figure out what the $#@& that meant and how to do it made me a better artist for sure.
faith, that is such a lovely story about little tyler!
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