Been a long long time....and I'll use this a more of a record of my mental, emotional state with only a few sentences and words.
I'm trying to put all the pieces together for the first time...balance.

This week and today I am mentally fatigued.

Hills Hills and More Hills

Since moving from New York to South Carolina, on e thing is for sure I don’t have the luxury of choosing the type of terrain I am training on. In NY I could ride or run towards the coast for more flat terrain or head up the 9W to get in any hill work the training plan called for. Here our new house is located on the top of the highest hill in the area, so no matter what route I choose I will always have to climb a hill to get back home. In one direction there is a very steep incline and in the other is a long gradual grade that last about half a mile. So each time I go out it is a challenge to maintain an “EZ” pace or control my heart rate when the workout demands it. What this is teaching me is to more patient and to know that the training on the home course will prepare me for any and all the races I will do in the future.

I’m definitely feeling stronger and my times are getting faster with either the same or less effort (recovery workouts.

End of WEEK 2

Thursday: (1:39:14 MED EZ BIKE 24.8mi)

Went out with a controlled consistent effort, not too hard, not too easy. Still cold, but no wind. Felt really good, had some minor aches but nothing that technique and adjusting can't fix.

Very disappointed in the time though, still very slow:(

Friday: (1:07:00 HARD SWIM 3000m)

2x 200 br/fr

2x 50 sde kck no fins

6x 200 3'45", 100 ez pull 2'15"

5x 100 2'05

4x 50 1'15"

Was really tired going into the workout, but was able to push through and perform better. Very pleased about the way I'm feeling in the water!:)

Saturday: (00:34:48 EZ Run 3.1mi)

Just getting it in...I'm tired & have a slight hangover...but I did it and did it slow:)

Sunday: OFF

Training Total: 5.9 hrs

WEEK 3

Monday: 00:59:48 Med Run 5.25mi

Fat Burning, controlled HR. Thought it would be harder, but ended up feeling really good!:)

Tuesday: Dryland & EZ Swim

DRYLAND #2

3x 25 V Crunches

3 min 15 on/ 15 off

back kicks

supermans

3x

4 med ball exercises

12 plank stands

Upped all the exercises

EZ MED SWIM

8x 200

1st 3 on 4'00''

2 on 4'15"

3 on 5'00

I was dead after dryland, by the end of the set I could barely flip turn because my abs were shot!

Wednesday:OFF

Back To The Future

For the most part, things seemed to be back on track and my life looks to be settling down more everyday.
The girls are now going to bed on their own and sleeping through the night. This has completely restored my motivation for training and helped my outlook on the first races of the season by giving me ample sleep and recovery time. They/ I now have a routine that we can plan around. In addition, I have been going to see a chiropractor again, which has made a huge difference in how I feel both in training and in life! Coupled with all the stuff I just listed, being in my own house has and will aid my diet as the workouts become more demanding, which is the last crucial element in the plan.
Because I have had more rest and I’m generally more happy, my imagination and creative energy have started to ease into my daily thoughts, which is exciting. Just yesterday afternoon while I was coaching swim practice a new fresh idea for a video popped into my head as I watched the kids swim.
I feel more balanced in my life right now than I have in a very long time.
Training:
Well, by Wednesday of last week I was back on the training wagon and by weeks end it seemed that my body was rebounding pretty well.
WEEK 1 (of a 18 week build to Race Day)
Total: 4.1 hrs
Wednesday: (52 min) EZ Swim
10x 50 1'05"
5x 100 2'05"
2x 200 4'00"
10x 50 1'05" (last 3 pull on 1'00"
8x 25 EZ last 4 w/ fins drill
Just trying to get back into it after being sick again. Felt really good, chiro adjustment seem to be making a big difference.
Thursday: (32:10) 5k Run loop (reverse) in the new neighborhood.Went out to see how I felt after being sick again and to see what the reverse 5k route felt like.
felt faster but it wasn't, was exactly the same time and I had a higher HR avg. Other than that wasn't any effect from being sick.
Friday: 1st Dryland & Swim Day (2000m). I did a core workout, with med balls and body weight exercises that will get longer and increase in intensity over the next 2 months. I felt really good both on the land and in the pool.
(15min) DRYLAND #1
3x 20 V-crunches
2min 6" leg kcks (15sec on 15sec off)
2min superman (15sec on 15sec off)
Med Balls 30 sec each (all 4 types)
10x plank-2-stands
Spine felt very stable!
(45min) 1500m EZ Swim
No Drag Suit
10x 50 1'00"
4x 25 sde kck no fins
5x 100 2'10"
200 pull w/ pds
200 w/ fins
Saturday: Off
Sunday: (1:32) 22 mi EZ Bike "new route"
I took a new route, so stopped a lot to check map. I won’t use this till rides get over 30 miles.
Was really cold (28) and windy and all computers died or are about to die!:(
WEEK 2
Monday: (1:14) 3000m HARD Swim
5x 100 2'15"
200 br/fr
3x 200 4'00"
10x 100 (5 w/ suit 2'00" 5 no suit 2'00")
2x 200 Pull w/ pds 3'45"
8x 50 1'15"
Felt good!
Tuesday: (1:14 10mi/ 3.1mi) EZ Brick
Bike (00:43:21)
No Speedometer, No odometer, & No Watch...just HR's BPMs was cold but not as cold as Sunday.
Introd Big Ring main gear but didn't force it. Still no ready for it on hills....think weight will determine its use more than fitness.
Felt good overall.
Run (00:32:58)
Just went out with nothing But HRs BPMs and listened to my cadence, I feel like its all there if the weight just comes off.
Wednesday: OFF

In the coming post I will be continuing to show the training log, which you can view via, www.trifuel.com at the following
http://www.trifuel.com/log/view_others.php?selectuser=5329
I will also be posting picks of the house and how the remodeling is going!

Back With A New Plan!!

I had been planned on starting the year off with new entries that documented my training for the upcoming season and give updates, as to what has been happening in my life since I last wrote on my blog, while continuing to do so on a regular weekly basis.

Although I am still going to do so, this entry may leave more to desired by some, but please be patient.

I started getting sick on Friday afternoon and has progressively gotten worse since. So as I sit here this morning writing with a foggy head and frustrated heart I will try to collect my thoughts.

My plan was to start the week with a bag, with workout entry and a lengthy update of some of the exciting things that have happened to my family and me in the last few months. Since there will be NO workout entry I’ll start with a few other cool things that have happened.

A HOUSE!!! We bought a house! And it is awesome and huge! (Well at least for us coming from NY) We will be doing a lot of changes and additions etc… over the next year but the potential of the house is enormous!! The girls have a big backyard to grow-up in and I have a big 2 and half car garage to put a studio and home gym into!

The girls are 9 months and getting bigger by the minute. Both have at least 2 teeth fully in and more poking out daily. Their personalities have really been developing as well, Lucie has been named “TANK” since she bull dozes into anything and every thing. Although Leola seems to be a few weeks behind Lucie in development she looks to be the more calm, calculated one out of the two.

My art unfortunately has been put on hold till the rest of my life is more sorted out. However I’m collecting ideas and inspiration that can last a lifetime! So don’t’ worry I will be sharing it all.

As for the Training:

Although I’m not able to workout right now I have been training. I have a good base to start on and now that I’m settled in our home I feel confident that the plan will resume as soon as I’m over this cold.

I am however, not so sure that the first 70.3 race will be as successful as I’d liked, but I have to shift me mindset from going fast to simply finishing with dignity.

Good Thoughts, Bad Thoughts

Well, I have managed to get at least one entry in every month since moving! Just a couple of updates:

• I signed up for the Florida 70.3 at Disney World on May 16th, 2010 (We're taking the girls)
• My first season as Head Coach at RNE Swim is wrapping up next week and although the team was small they exceeded my expectations and made me so proud to be their coach.

As I continue to struggle with adjusting to living down south and as I begin my journey of training for Florida, which starts next month, I look to music to inspire, teach me and lift my spirits.
I listened to this song last night on the way home from a swim meet.

Travel like a king
Listen to the inner voice
A higher wisdom is at work for you
Conqering the stumbling blocks come easier
When the conqueror is in tune with the infinite
Every ending is a new beginning
Life is an endless unfoldment
Change your mind, and you change your relation to time
You can find the answer
The solution lies within the problem
The answer is in every question. Dig it?
An attitude is all you need to rise and walk away
Inspire yourself
Your life is yours
It fits you like your skin
The oak sleeps in the acorn
The giant sequoia tree sleeps in its tiny seed
The bird waits in the egg
God waits for his unfoldment in man
Fly on,
Children Play on
You gravitate to that which you secretly love most
You meet in life the exact reproduction of your own thoughts
There is no chance, coincidence or accident
In a world ruled by law and divine order
You rise as high as your dominant aspiration
You descend to the level of your lowest concept of your self
Free your mind and your ass will follow

The infinite intelligence within you knows the answers
Its nature is to respond to your thoughts
Be careful of the thought-seeds you plant in the garden of your mind
For seeds grow after their kind
Play on, children

Every thought felt as true
Or allowed to be accepted as true by your conscious mind
Take roots in your subconscious
Blossoms sooner or later into an act
And bears its own fruit
Good thoughts bring forth good fruit
Bullshit thoughts rot your meat
Think right, and you can fly
The kingdom of heaven is within
Free your mind, and your ass will follow
Play on, children
Sing on, lady……Yeah

-George Clinton (Funkadelic-“Good Thoughts, Bad Thoughts”)

If you do listen to the whole song, the lyrics do not come on until just over half way through the song.
Peace

Maybe....

I started writing an entry the other day but got distracted and by the time I got back to it…needless to say I was uninspired to write anymore.
So, today I’m so thankful for the sports I now love and spend my life pursuing…Like swimming, biking, and running…AHH, triathlon….This morning I have began the process of filtering the constant flow of high school football into my brain. Lately I have often stopped and wondered how I participated in that culture for so long! As a swim coach, I have had the opportunity to witness the mindless machismo of both the coaches and players of high school football from the perspective of an outsider. It is amazing how seemingly mindless the devotion to these young men is, and to think I was one of them back in the day! God I sucked! But triathlon changed this jock into to something more one day back in my football days when I watched the ironman on TV in my dorm room. So maybe there’s hope for some of these boys. Maybe?
Also this morning as I thumbed through the local paper (God, I miss you Daily News!) I read an article in the ‘arts” section about a hot local artist. He graduated high school with my younger brother and is self-taught. The article talked about this buzz around this guy’s work and it is true I had heard about it before the article or his solo show that opens today. The work is a cross between a Basquiat/ George Condo and Max Ernst, but the guy that made it probably wouldn’t know that since he’s self-taught and the folks around here don’t give a shit since they don’t know who those other 3 dudes are either!.
SO I ask myself, am I just hate’n? Sure! What’s strange is I even found myself defending the guy as my parents, started in on how his worked was crap. But is that what it takes to be an artist in South Carolina? I don’t know! Maybe!
I miss New York today. What do I miss exactly? Being able to be anonymous but not being anonymous. I could do that because of the thick atmosphere of multiple cultures all piled in on top one another. This thought made me realize in the county I live, we have a third of the population that Manhattan has.
Did living in the city for as long as I did change me down to my soul? Maybe?
Because home down here just don’t feel like home did up there!
I haven’t submitted an entry in a while so I won’t end on a negative tone. Since moving here I have found a haven that has become my own private get away every weekend. SO I’m shout’n out to Tom and the boys at the cigar lounge!
www.liteumupcigars.com
Thanks Tom for opening such a welcoming and classy place that welcomes all new comers as regulars! Cheers!
Are there places here where I can feel like myself?
Maybe?

Those Moments of Truth Give Me a Much Needed Gut Check

As mentioned before the past 7 weeks were filled with emotions that were numbed by escape into excess on my part. Little to no exercise coupled with too much food and drink brought me back to a point of self loathing I hate to go to, but sometimes it cleans me out, then I can go on. I get to a point where I am completely fed up with my self. I groan every time I catch a glimpse of myself as I walk past a shop window or notice how the pants I’m putting on get a little tighter after they have been washed. However I always seem to have a breaking point when I say, NO MORE! GET IT TOGETHER JASON!

I find it strange how some people resist that change or challenge. I crave the challenging environment when my faults or mistakes are exposed and I am forced either to acknowledge them or hide in the comfort of denial. F$#%! denial! If I have behaved wrongly or overindulged let me know it, if I haven’t been made aware of it. Yes this hurts in a lot of different ways, but it only makes life better in the long run.
As I get my ass back on the bike, in the pool and out on the road I am reminded of those moments of truth, when you can stay and fight or run and hide (sometimes in a bottle). It’s hard to get out of bed in the morning to squeeze a workout in. It’s hard to say no when everyone is out at happy hour but you have a long ride the next morning or just trying to shed a few extra pounds. It’s hard to not take a bite of cake when someone puts in front you. Life is hard, but worth every second if we learn from those moments of truth and raise up to the challenge to be a better me/ you!

These moments have come around more often for me lately. I think that is why I’ve been more aware of it. I’ve been told that I just need to “Get Over IT!” concerning all my gripes about my current living situation and concentrate on the good things the move has bought to my life.

So as I prepare for my season as a swim coach and continue to get settled here down south I am committed to trying to, “get over it” and see my life as a new beginning and embrace the difficult decisions I will face in the coming months and years.

For example, I have been struggling with continuing to make art here although the community and scene is a lot different. While at the same time trying to decide if I should commit to taking some time off to get my body and life in the kind of shape that will make it easier and more to make art again. Is this a moment of truth or a gut check t see if I am willing to do what is necessary to make my life better and myself? Not sure yet but we’ll see.

Moving up and moving on!

Back on track, with a new attitude and a set of new challenges in my life that have left me bewildered and a bit melancholy, but I’m still excited about what the future will bring. The last 7 weeks have allowed me to indulge, grieve, escape, hide and fall apart all at the same time. Moving out of New York was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and now it’s over, I’m here in South Carolina. No more feeling sorry for myself, wallowing in self-pity and playing the victim. I will pick myself up off the floor, put on my new face and get back in the race.
It may take some getting used to the fact that I have a clean slate here that I can build or become anything I want to and it can be an intimidating and daunting task I’m up for the challenge. I have to be, for my family and me.
In the coming weeks I will be back to my normal blog writing, to update you all on what has been going on with me and the stuff I do.
I’m struggling with what it will mean to be an artist here now that I’m no longer in NY, but I will figure it out soon enough. Patience and time is something I seem to be able to afford these days and they seem to be easier to come by as well. It will help me manage my demons that have only gotten closer since moving south.
Stay Tuned Folks it’s only going to get better fro now on!

“Tuesday found me, …standing on the highway……………”

Today I feel so lost. I know the move is taking its toll on Faith and me, but I never thought it would be so intense. I feel so uninspired, unmotivated, tired (but sleeping too much) generally lazy and I’m beating myself up for it too. All I want to do is sit around all day with the girls, play guitar hero (when they’re napping), eat junk and drink “good” beer.
It seems to sooth my soul to watch them just sit in their swings smiling and cooing at the toys hanging down in front of them. Last night Lucy was so tired and fussy. All she wanted to do was sit in her Daddy’s lap, hold his hands and suck on her passy. Within 15 min she had been fed and was out for the count. That is an overwhelming feeling of pride and pressure when you realize how important your presence is to this tiny little person.
Training has become a chore, even though the results have been promising in spite of the no scheduled race plans. I think the fact that I now will have to withdraw from the Timberman race is making me very sad and disappointed. I feel like a failure in someway. Although, I know this is not the case and it is only because of this transition process and that my priorities are out of wack.

It seems daunting that I only have 3 full weeks felt in NY and it is breaking my heart. I feel like I’m walking out on a relationship, or something. I never thought it was going to be this difficult.

And my wife is such a trooper. I see daily, that it is getting tougher and tougher for her but she keeps pluggin away at packing boxes, never letting it show how hard it is for her. This includes packing up her classroom at a school where she has been for 8 yrs! I don’t see how she is doing it. It makes me love her even more and I never thought that would be possible.
I didn’t write this entry for anyone to feel sorry for me, I just need to try and makes sense of all these feelings I’m going through and writing about it helps that process. My stomach is starting to constantly churn from the nervousness I’m feeling and the guilt from not being able to do all the things that I wanted to before we left.
And I say all that to say this…….it’s HARD very HARD and I had no idea how hard and it just keeps getting harder everyday!

The images in the post were just a way fopr me to remember what I'm looking forward to....

I Shall Return!

Well, the small initial steps for moving have begun and now that it’s official, it actual packing that looms is causing me great dread and stress. When are they going to invent a teleport machine! However as the days count down to moving day I continue to get more and more excited about the next chapter in my life. The changes it will bring in life, my art, my training and ambition are all welcome challenges that will make me a better person, Dad and artist.

The girls are great! With the exception of general new parent issues and growing pains of a set of twins Lucile and Leola are growing by leaps and bounds by the second. This past Friday we celebrated their 8 weeks with a trip to the doctor for the first round of their shots. They were real troopers! One of the hardest things for us so far is to see them in pain and not be able to do anything but hold them. It’s so heart breaking to not be able to do anything but let them scream. Lucy was really constipated all weekend and she would just look at me with those blue eyes as if she was saying, ”please help me daddy”. It killed me!
Training is going really good. Except for having to cut some long bikes I’m moving right along. Right now with all the general stress, lack of adequate sleep and guilt from being away from the girls I feel that spending the day resting with the girls and help Faith is much better spent right now instead of a 7 hour bike ride. However, it will come a time in the training that fitting those in will be more crucial, currently it gives me more juice for my weekly workouts. This past week was week 4 of the May training cycle.

Monday
Swim/ Bike
3000 yrds/ 54 mile bike
Tuesday
OFF (stretched, used roller)
Wednesday

Run

11 miles

Thursday
Swim
4000 yrds (2x 1600 main)
Friday
BRICK
36 mi Bike/ 6 mile Run (HIM race pace)
Saturday and Sunday
OFF
Even though I was wiped out Friday after the BRICK, I felt good about the way body responded to the pace vs effort.
Tomorrow I will begin the process of cleaning out my studio and packing it up. I will be out of it in the next couple of weeks.
My friends here in New York have been SO supportive about the move and it warms my heart that they understand and wish me the best and hopefully miss me.
But I Shall Return!